To My Daughter, Mia (and all the little girls)
Dear Mia,
In about 36 hours, exactly a year ago, you made me a Mum – you were born at 1.30am on 08/02/2024 after a gruelling 4-day labour and emergency c-section - I tell you this not to make you feel guilty, but to let you know you were worth every second and when I saw your little face for the first time, screwed up and puzzled, it was the greatest thing I’ve ever seen. You are the greatest thing I’ve ever done – and I’ve done lots!
Every day is an adventure with you and makes me want to be a better person and I watch you change incrementally every day, navigating the world, learning and growing.
I look at you, and sometimes I feel scared. I watch the world around get more chaotic and scary, but then I get un-scared, because actually, having you, makes the chaos make a kind of sense. You sometimes wonder, what are we doing here, when people in faraway (and nearer) places are doing terrible things, but the best way we can counter this, is to raise the next generation who feel more secure and loved themselves, so they bring that love and security with them and make their world and their time better than we have. You are so loved and so secure.
The other thing I marvel at every day is your enormous capacity for joy – every drop of rain on the window, every game of peekaboo, a bathtime, sitting at dinner singing songs (you love ‘90’s rock and trip-hop) brings you this intense joy and fascination, and it makes me feel like I’m doing it for the first time too when I see the world through your eyes. I always want to see the world through your eyes, even when you are being an impossible toddler or an angry teenager.
Babies have no sense of how others see them, which brings an admirable solipsism – the world is there for their convenience – and though I’ll make sure you care for others and don’t think the world revolves around you – hold onto a bit of that, darling girl. Don’t get worn down by trying to please others or be pleasing – this is something that girls and women are pushed to do, by too many other people. Remember to please yourself too – you are so important – and all little girls are too.
And so are boys. We are in this weird moment, that I hope is going soon, and I’m working hard to erase, where boys and girls are being encouraged to be suspicious of each other, by algorithms that have dark intentions. Most boys – like girls – are great. Be friends with them. Hang out with them. Be bossy as them. Play the same games as them. Boys might be some of your future best friends.
But most importantly, don’t be afraid. My greatest sadness is how afraid so many children and teenagers have gotten of the world – because we’ve kind of pushed them to.
The world is a magical place and remember the raindrops, the bathtimes, the mealtimes and how much you love being in the world – take that with you – we’ll be with you every step of the way.
Love,
Your Mum.
