Why Being a Slightly Rubbish Parent Actually Makes you an Ace Parent….
(and why your #GenZ and #GenA Kids Will Love You and Thrive because You Are..)
Until this generation, the business of being a parent was a much simpler thing – you had a kid(s), told them about stranger danger and the basic birds and the bees, yelled at them if them crashing their bike caused monetary damage, made sure they didn’t starve and came in before dark – and that was about it. People who grew up and parented in the ‘60’s, 70’s and even 80’s make childhood and parenthood sound like a foreign country.
Then at some point in about the mid to late ‘90’s, both childhood and parenting began to change. Because of mobile phones and then smart phones, the explosion of social media and being able to watch each other’s lives, changes in economy and schooling, the growing awareness of mental health, the growing competitiveness of the job market and just a big change in the generational guard, parenting began to change. By the 2000’s it looked completely different to how it did just a decade earlier, right up until today – nearly 2024 – where parenting has become such high stakes and so demanding, it ought to qualify for a competitive, Olympic sport.
Now unless your child is managed like a Fortune 500 CEO, enjoying a range of fulfilling hobbies after school and every weekend, being fed a carefully balanced, organic diet and constantly being checked on to ensure their mental, emotional and physical wellbeing are in perfect balance, parents across the world are made to feel like they are failures and somehow damaging their children.
‘Parent-shaming’ and in particular ‘mum-shaming’ are terms that have entered every day parlance and millions of parents confess to feeling terrorised by judgment at the school gate, on WhatsApp groups, Facebook groups and in TikTok vids if they let their toddler binge on Peppa Pig Phizzy Tails to stop them whingeing on the supermarket shop or let their fourteen year old watch Saw 314 at Halloween (even though said fourteen year old probably watches much worse things on TikTok and YouTube.)
But as parenting becomes exponentially more judgemental and higher stakes and child-rearing becomes harder and harder to get it right, is this doing anyone – parents and children alike – any good? All the evidence suggests, absolutely NOT, with kids’ mental health, well-being and resilience cratering and everyone else’s depression, anxiety and wine-o-clock-smashing rising.
Added to which, if you actually ask loads of kids and young people what they want from their parents, everything points to the fact, they don’t want to be managed my Mum and Dad or carers as if they were Elon Musk on a comedown.
So, this is a celebration of the parents who on paper and in Holier-than-Thou-Uber-Organic-Macrobiotic-Mum-and-Dad-style social media groups who yell at you if your kid isn’t trilingual by the time, they’re a foetus are failing, but in REALITY, are actually doing pretty ace and MORE TO THE POINT are loved and appreciated by their thriving and happy kids.
I got kids and teenagers to massively grass up their parents, but it’s all for a good cause.
These accounts prove it’s time to stop panicking over being some fascistically prescribed perfect parent – because loving your kids and doing it your way, as you will see here, is usually quite enough.
So big up these (slightly rubbish but brilliant, really) parent types – you’re doing just fine.
The Chaotic Parents.
Maria, 15: My Mum tried to do that ballet, language lessons, swimming, organic lunchboxes, yoga before bedtime and complicated hairstyles every day for me and my sisters and she was always, always stressed and moody. One Saturday, she was trying to juggle four different breakfast orders before taking us to four different classes which we didn’t really like anyway, and she just snapped and started throwing pancakes into the garden and yelling like a crazy woman. We all had a big talk and told her none of us were enjoying this way of life and we were worried about her being so stressed. We all agreed to quit the classes except the one we enjoyed, and that Saturdays would be just for chilling and watching films together as a family. I can’t even tell you how much better things are now. It feels like we’ve got our Mum back too.
The Chill Parents.
Simon, 19: Unlike all of my friends’ parents, my Mum and Dad always said they didn’t care what I did, or whether I went to university or what I aspired to be, provided I was a nice person, was kind to other people and didn’t just sit around on Xbox or Twitch. Because there wasn’t this expectation to go to a top university and everything as a kid was about helping others, it gave me the confidence to not try to be something I’m not. All my friends are trying to be entrepreneurs of something non-specific or are doing courses they’re not enjoying at uni. I qualified as a carer and my dad is helping my set up a care agency for young carers to get support with our network. We just got a government grant and I love what I do and think I’m doing better than most of my friends trying to live up to parental pressure.
The Horny (and slightly drunk) Parents.
Trinity, 16: Most of my friends’ parents are either divorced or separated and/or just don’t like each other much and it really weighs heavily on my friends – they’re often caught in the middle of it in a really passive-aggressive. My parents actually really like each other and can’t seem to keep their hands off each other, which I mostly just find really comforting. The only time I told them off, was when they got completely smashed at my Grandma’s Ruby Wedding Anniversary lunch and they disappeared upstairs and kept setting off my brother’s Buzz LightYear, which I think was under my brother’s beds and we all heard them. But other than that, I wouldn’t swap them.
The Strict Parents.
Abdul, 18: Growing up, whenever I wanted something – didn’t matter if it was trainers, special shampoo or a phone, from about the age of ten, whatever it was, I had to pay for half. I never got given anything except for, like, at birthdays. But this has definitely made me the man I am. I’ve had a proper after-school job since I was sixteen and I started a little business aged 11, first it was selling sweets at school which wasn’t really allowed and then I started a custom trainer design business online, which is still doing well. I now have actually something really good and interesting to put on my Personal Statement – all my friends are now making up pretend struggles and conditions – and I really value things, work hard and I think my mental health is good because of it. I used to get annoyed at how strict my parents were, but now I think it’s a gift.
The ’Dad Joke’ Parents:
Ayesha, 17: My Dad is so funny in a complete cringe way, and it used to embarrass me so much. But as I’ve got older, I’ve realised he’s kind of wise in his own way and all my friends love him and go to him for advice and his jokes!
The Don’t Muscle in on Hobbies Parents:
Tom, 16: I’m big into rugby and go to a boarding school now. When I was younger my Mum and Dad used to just drop me off at practice rather than stand on the side-lines yelling with all the other parents and in all honesty, this used to piss me off a bit. They would always come to the big games of course but they didn’t get involved much beyond that. Now I’m older, I’m really, really grateful they let my hobbies be about me rather than them. Some of my friends have parents who come to every single practice and get really aggressive both with them, the coaches, referees and other players, and you wonder, who is it for? The parent or the kid?
The ‘Home Alone’ Parents:
Kyle, 16: When I was thirteen the plot of Home Alone basically happened to me. I was on a cruise with all my parents and our huge extended family, and I got left at the port in Croatia and on one realised for over an hour when they were properly out to sea. Of course, once they realised, everybody freaked and the captain put out an emergency call to the port. I hadn’t even realised I’d been left. I was in this video arcade and had made new friends. I got to go in this high-powered speedboat out the cruise ship, and my family felt so bad, they were really nice to me for the rest of the trip! When we tell people that story, loads of people act really weird, like my parents were these neglectful, terrible parents, but it was one of the most memorable, fun mornings of my life, nothing bad happened, I can put it on my Personal Statement and our family motto is now ‘worse things happen at sea.’
Well said Kyle and Parents…..