Why Eyes Wide Shut is the best Christmas movie everyone missed – and why it should be this year’s #SaltburnChallenge.

We’re about the enter the month of the perpetual debate about Christmas films – is Die Hard a Christmas film (obviously), is Gremlins an appropriate kids’ film (obviously – have you seen what’s on YouTube, lately?) and is It’s a Wonderful Life offensive (obviously not, and you’re reaching if you decide it is.)

What’s mad, is one of the actual best Christmas films has never entered chat and I genuinely believe Eyes Wide Shut, is the one of the best, most apt and most ahead-of-its-time Christmas films ever made, that’s perfect for modern audiences in our troubled times. I dare you to watch it with the family and discuss its weird mysteries – obviously leave out the under-16’s – consider it this year’s #SaltBurnChallenge

It came out in 1999 just as the director Stanley Kubrick died suddenly in a way that would have blown up modern conspiracy-oriented social media today when you consider the themes he was covering.

In retrospect 1999 in it’s just pre-9/11 prelapsarian-way created some of the most influential films that still heavily shape culture today, see: Fight Club, The Matrix and Office Space.

The plot involves (SPOLIER ALERT) Tom Cruise’s Dr Bill Harford who goes to a completely decadent, Occult-symbol laden Christmas party with his wife Alice, hosted by uber-wealthy and uber-creepy Victor Ziegler. At this point, you can all play the spot the difference between Victor Ziegler and Jeffrey Epstein – the parallels are stunning considering this was made in 1999. There, Bill resuscitates a high-class sex-worker called Mandy who has overdosed on speedballs she was doing in the bathroom whilst having sex with Ziegler. Meanwhile Nicole Kidman’s, Alice, is being chatted up by a Hungarian plutocrat who is distinguished by the fact he’s marginally creepier than even Ziegler – nice guest list. Alice and Bill return home and get upper-middle-class-high on half a spliff, which kicks off a row about infidelity leading Bill to nearly (but doesn’t) have sex with sex-worker, Domino, then meet up with an old musician school friend called Nick Nightingale, who under duress, directs him to a masked orgy at some Rothschilds-esque mansion giving him the assumed password. This event ends horribly, and you never really know how much danger Harford is actually in – the question of whether his life actually might be in danger – is interrupted by a masked but obviously Mandy the Speedball Enthusiast, who warns him of the danger he’s in and tells him to leave – which he does with a warning from a masked heavy. What then follows is a revelation that the players who led Bill to the orgy and the one who saved him (Nick and Mandy) are both either missing or dead and Bill trying to unpick this rather gruesome upper-class before finding salvation with his family and in Christmas shopping (no, I’m not joking!)

So, why is this the perfect Christmas family film?

Well, firstly, both in spite and because of, the dark and occultish themes, Christmas has never looked more gorgeous. The Ziegler household, despite being a family who’s drinks invitation you’d probably want to decline, sport décor that is serious #ChristmasGoals and you will never see a staircase that will make you want to adorn yours with Christmas lights faster.

But perhaps most importantly, it’s a brilliant film for modern, conspiratorial sensibilities and Christmas dinner-table chat. Stanley Kubrick was an absolute master of using symbol and hidden visual meaning and messages (see: the kid’s jumper in The Shining if you really want to bake your noodle) and Eyes Wide Shut is a masterclass (you may now debate what the title really means in an age of ‘doing your own research.’)

The parallels between Ziegler and Epstein are stark, the masks, the decorations, the endless reference to the rainbow, the outsider in the underworld, the use of colour from red to blue are all super fun to decode and debate, but particularly at a time when we’re all transfixed by #EpsteinIsland and #WhiteParties – and considering this was made in 1999 – the message of the film, that there is a real rottenness and darkness at the core of extreme wealth and power is tailor-made for 2025’s audience, who have genuine anger at how this has been allowed to happen away from prying or perhaps closed eyes for so long. The question is, who was Stanley Kubrick signalling this film was about before he died – particularly when you consider the uncut version mysteriously vanished after his death (allegedly.)

All good fun Christmas conspiracy debating for the whole family – enjoy!

The film does end on a hopeful note. Our good doctor finds safety and salvation with his family at Christmas and maybe that’s the message we all need at Christmas – to stop chasing extreme wealth and decadence, because that way lies darkness, and quite often, you have everything you need, right in front of you.

Merry Christmas.