Why Old(er) Men Are Ruining Sex for Younger Men.

https://audioboom.com/posts/7810804-masculinity

I was recently speaking at a co-ed school about why there has been such a breakdown between boys and girls. It got quite heated. A sixteen-year-old boy, the type of boy who has been traditionally popular with girls – good-looking, very styled, clearly popular and influential with the other boys – was commenting on Andrew Tate and the influential manosphere -and proclaimed he liked Andrew Tate “because he makes him better with girls.” Lots of his (male) friends agreed. I turned to the girls, who were mostly sitting by choice – you see that a lot more in schools now, a kind of self-selected gender apartheid - separate from the boys and asked them to raise their hands if learning a boy was a fan of Andrew Tate made him more likeable/fanciable/dateable. Not a single girl’s hand went up. Several of the boys looked genuinely surprised and one of them obliquely blamed “feminism for framing Andrew Tate and guys in general.”

Since the moral panic over Andrew Tate and all the other high profile and fringe figures in the manosphere blew up a couple of years ago, there has been acres of coverage dedicated to what this has done to boys and girls and the relations between them. But without relitigating the arguments over the global spike in misogyny, the rise in violence directed towards girls and women and general swampiness of online and offline discourse, one of the most obvious points that gets missed, is Tate and by association, the millions of boys and men that follow him give the vast majority of girls and women the massive ick. And not because of cat-loving, man-hating feminism but because he’s a creepy, joyless weirdo who cringily chased fame, doubtless spends more time in front of the mirror than the entire cast of Real Housewives, seems (at best) unsettlingly obsessed with underage and vulnerable girls and women, is being investigated for sex-trafficking surely one of the most cowardly crimes there is, and seems to know absolutely sweet FA about the female body, sexuality or pleasure. Any bloke who proclaims “going down on women is soy” is not giving young, heterosexual men good sex advice. Just ask the female half of the population.

His recent obsession with the female bodycount, where he stated that “I reject women who have slept with more than 3 men. Vile” will no doubt encourage some of his young male followers to start obsessing over (and much worse) attempting to control what female virtue looks like, with lots of slut-shaming of young women to follow. But here’s the bad news, (heterosexual) lads. This isn’t going to precipitate a new era of girls and young women modestly preserving themselves for the Clearly Misunderstood the Matrix crew. It’s going to push girls into either turning to the guys who aren’t shit-scared of female sexuality (trying to control something isn’t a sign of strength, fellas) or just not bothering with the opposite sex or sex at all for the foreseeable. Want proof? The numbers of partners and the amount of sex young people are having is cratering, and the biggest culprit is actually not cats and feminism.

And it’s not just the toxic extremism of Big Brother alum, Andrew Tate that’s ruining the party for millions of young people. More mainstream, and ferociously popular with the young dudes, figures like Joe Rogan and Jordan Peterson rose to fame pushing a very “Alpha” concept of masculinity that seems to be underpinned by (among other things) MMA fighting, meaty diets and lobsters.

Rogan, who I will concede is an infinitely more interesting and thoughtful character than the bland, po-faced, rapey Tate brothers, is beloved for his hyper-masculine, fearless, jacked-up-in-both-mind-and-body character, seems to be anything but when it comes to his impression of female sexual power- it seems to overtly alarm him. Rogan more often than not equates sexy and sexually powerful women, Angeline Jolie and Lauren Sanchez for example, with “crazy”, female beauty and sexuality as a power over men and ergo not to be trusted and feminism as basically the nexus of evil.

The trouble with all of this is, I don’t think Rogan thinks nearly enough when he shares his foreboding theories about women with his army of young, male fans is how his message and what they do with it makes them seem to girls?

Yes, Rogan with his $100 million+ fortune, millions of followers and Elon Musk mutual fluffing sessions might seem and is powerful – but all the little Bro Rogans going to school on Monday and shouting about “crazy feminists” and whatnot – well, not so much. Clue, straight lads: calling girls and women crazy, untrustworthy and dangerous probably* isn’t going to get you laid and doesn’t make you look strong to anyone, least of all girls.

*definitely.

Ditto Jordan Peterson, adored by millions, particularly young guys, but hells-bells that guy must be bad for business at Durex HQ. Peterson might well have inspired a generation of young guys to make their beds, but was there ever anyone who made young sex, relationships or dating look less fun or joyful? With all his talk about “enforced monogamy” and doom-mongering about the state of both manhood and womanhood, think it's fair to say Peterson is doing about as much for the reputation of sex and healthy sexual relationships amongst modern young women and men as a forced binge-watch of The Handmaid’s Tale.

As sex being had by young people precipitously declines, one area of young human sexuality – particularly male sexuality – that is hugely growing, is pornography. One of the many reasons billions of lads watch porn in large quantities and increasing numbers have actively replaced IRL sex with porn is precisely because of this growing fear of girls, women, and female sexuality.

When powerful and influential men like Tate, Rogan and Peterson fearmonger about important and non-negotiable characteristics and rights of girls and women, it doesn’t promote young male power, strength or appeal it reduces it and especially in the eyes of girls and young women. To repeat, the lad in Geography on a Wednesday morning calling a girl a “slut” because Tate told him to or “crazy” because she said she’s a feminist and Rogan says all feminists are crazy, is not going to become more dateable or appealing to girls, and this cycle of mistrust and fear between boys and girls is going to deepen and get worse.

To compound all this, the bingeing on pornography – an industry (with some notable exceptions) conceived of, created and consumed in the majority by men is also ruining sex for the declining numbers of young people who still do choose to have sex. Heterosexual-porn is obsessed with depicting female submission, pain, and degradation, which is i.) a disaster waiting to happen for the sexually inexperienced and ii.) nothing like what loving, fun, pleasurable, consenting sex tends to look and feel like. To point i.) if you are a boy and have been sexually moulded by films where girls and women routinely get hurt and humiliated, it’s doesn’t bode well for the boy or girl partner and their future view of sex and the opposite sex.

And that’s the question to ask of not just the Tates, Rogans and Petersons of the world, but the many other older men commodifying and selling this ‘Alpha-brand’ to lads; who exactly is this helping? It might be making the sellers richer, more powerful, and even better with the ladies, but on the ground and in the real world, in the schools, universities, colleges, workplaces, parties and social situations, all there seems to be is more anger, sadness, division between the sexes with less fun and sex than there has ever been.

If that’s the Alpha-brand, maybe it’s time to start looking for less fearful, more fun, and….something that actually works for the millions of young men just trying to make sense of the world and the opposite sex.