Why Teenage Boys and Young Men are Vulnerable to 'Sextortion.'
(And How to Help them if the worst happens...)
We’ve all had those emails, usually riddled with telling typos. A tale of woe, from someone we’ve never met located in a faraway country; they are usually stuck there and unable to access their $11,000,0000,0000,000 for a legal/medical/logistical reason and if you’ll just wire them some money, they’ll ‘generously’ give you 50% of this enormous fortune. These are now so common, most of us will roll our eyes and hit delete. Of course, the scammers know this and have become much, much more sophisticated employing all kinds of ruthless tactics to rip off the public from the kind of high profile ‘sweetheart’ scams we saw in Netflix’s ‘The Tinder Swindler’ to ‘mirroring’ your child’s phone and pleading to be sent money for an ‘emergency.’ And scamming is big business – GASA estimates last year alone scams lost people $55.3 billion globally.
Despite the grimly lucrative business that is scamming, the vast majority of us still pride ourselves on being the type of person who would never fall for a scam – and there is a kind of truth to this if you don’t slot into an obviously vulnerable demographic. Scammers target vulnerable groups; the elderly, the disabled, the alone, the isolated and recently bereaved. And there is a new addition to this horribly mercenary list. Teenagers.
I first came across the term ‘sextortion’ a few years back when I was researching my first book. A boy I interviewed had been contacted via Instagram by a “fit girl, roughly his age.” By James’ (then 16, now 20) description, it was a ruthless target that hit all the male teenage sweet spots.
“I got chatting to a girl called Casey, who said she went to a school not far from mine. I was a day pupil at a well-known boarding school and references to the (expensive) boarding school were all over my Insta. She knew loads about my school and the school she ‘went’ to, it seemed authentic and her profiles were fairly legit though I’d know the sketchy signs now. She started sending my sexts, then nudes, which obviously I was well into and then she suggested we swap videos of us masturbating. She basically, said ‘you first’ so I did. Her video never arrived. The tone almost immediately changed, and ‘she’ said, I’d violated her and if I didn’t send £500, she had links to all my friends and my family, and she’d send them the videos and say I was a sex-pest. So, I sent £500 to ‘her’ bank account. Then she told me, actually she was fourteen, and what I’d done was paedophilia, and that I’d go to prison, and that she wanted £5000 to stay quiet.”
The situation got so out of control, that James ended up attempting suicide, which was when it all came out and James’ parents got both legal and police help – but of course, ‘Casey’ was never found, disappearing back into the anonymity of the internet to prey on some other unsuspecting teenager.
James’ ‘sextortion’ story got me interested in how wide this kind of sexual scamming was, particularly aimed at teenagers, and the chilling answer is, sextortion aimed at youngsters is booming – and growing – business.
The one that’s perhaps better known seems to be straight up sexually coercive in nature; befriending a teenager or child, soliciting perhaps a nude and then demanding more and more explicit and extreme material lest the blackmailer or ‘sextorter’ reveals the content to family members, friends, or their entire school. More commonly, this type of sextortion has targeted girls and boys who are perhaps questioning or experimenting with their sexuality and are more vulnerable to sexual shame and secrets. Fortunately, though still extremely prevalent, young people have become savvier about this kind of sextortion and there is a higher awareness and better education about these kind of approaches on the internet and what the red flags are.
In recent years, sextortion has metastasized into economic abuse (on top of sexual abuse) and scammers actively look to target young people who display signs of wealth on social media; photographs of expensive family homes and cars, references to expensive private schools, videos showing flash clothes or blingy gadgets and accessories.
Though they remain vulnerable, girls have become more difficult targets, because they’ve been taught to be wary of approaches from strangers on social media and because of all the horror stories and better education, much less likely to send nudes of sexual videos to strangers or someone they don’t know well or aren’t 100% sure of.
Perhaps, because they are newer targets and less attuned to sexual danger than girls, some boys make easier targets for this kind of sextortion, so when a hot girl of the same age with a reasonably solid or convincing bio, starts making sexual overtures, they respond.
Aidan (18) got ‘sextorted’ in Year 11, when a girl he’d met at party, who went to a nearby school where they had a shared a sort-of-friendship-group hit him up on Insta, TikTok and Snapchat.
“I sort of knew Harriet, and she was way hot and was pleased when she got in contact. I was gutted she was in Canada on a year-long exchange, but it was March at the time, and she said she’d be back in September for Sixth Form, and we’d meet then. Looking back, alarm bells should have gone off, as no one does a year exchange in Year 11 in this country, but I was so excited, I wasn’t really thinking straight. She started sending me sexy selfies and I returned them and then she asked for a video of me masturbating. Which I did. Long story short, ‘she’ immediately started demanding money and I told her to f*ck of and ‘she’ actually did start sending some of the really personal pictures to my year group, a few people at a time. I was so scared and embarrassed, I thought about ending it.”
Aidan’s school dealt with it swiftly once the pictures leaked and it transpired the real Harriet had actually moved to Canada the year before and wasn’t using her social media profiles at all. Her UK number and social media profiles had been cloned and were being used to lure a number of boys the same age as Aidan, also making her a victim. Whoever the cloned version of ‘Harriet’ is, has never been found.
Richard (18) also got ‘sextorted’ two years ago, but unlike James and Aidan, he doesn’t come from a wealthy background or family – but his (then) social media profiles suggested otherwise.
“I was at my very expensive school on a full scholarship and in attempt to keep up with everyone else, I’d make out on social media I was a lot richer than I was. Posting pictures of me in expensive cars or borrowing a watch or whatever. I got approached by a girl called ‘Anita’ who was sort of a friend of a friend and got well stung by her and some very personal videos. ‘She’ started demanded money which I didn’t even close to have – I barely had ten quid to my name – so I was given two options. To move some ‘product’ for them or I had to get the money from friends. I knew ‘moving product’ could lead to all kinds of county-lines dodginess because that was the background I came from and loads of my friends had fallen into that, so in desperation, I stole some stuff from good mates, reasoning they could afford it.”
Richard eventually came clean when he was caught stealing by his Housemaster, but not before like the others, he thought about all kinds of desperate measures.
Like Richard, lots of young people who get ‘sextorted’ but don’t come from money find themselves drawn into all kinds of illegal activities; drug-dealing, stealing, prostitution and coercing their own friends and peers to pay off their debts and because of the shameful and secretive nature of sextortion, there is real difficulty in accurately assessing how many young people have been stung and drawn into the horror.
The young people who do come from money and have money and resources to pay off the sextorters rarely find that’s the end of the story – even when they pay - and many do part with horrifying amounts of cash and goods.
Historically, th horror ‘sextorters’ have always hung over girls is sexual shame and humiliation – everyone will know you are a ‘slag’ a ‘slut’ a ‘whore’ and will see you engaged in sex acts of a highly personal nature if you don’t do X. Of course, this kind of blackmail also works on boys, but what has emerged in the last few years are some other tactics designed elicit maximum shame and terror if the fear of sexual humiliation isn’t quite as potent for teenage boys. The first is the ‘gay sting’ – the ‘girl’ they’ve been sexting with turns out to be a guy and the sextorter threatens to tell all their friends and family they are gay. Of course, in an ideal world, there should be no shame at all to being gay, but the hard fact is, homophobia still exists and can be prevalent among teenagers, ‘gay-shaming’ remains a thing and the scammers know it and use it.
Greg (18) lost thousands of pounds when he was sixteen to a sextortion scheme:
“I was in touch with a girl for nearly four months before it turned sexual, and we started exchanging nudes and then sexy clips. She said she really got off on me masturbating, and because I thought I was in love with her, I complied. After a few weeks, it was revealed ‘she’ was a ‘he’ or a ‘they’ and they threatened to tell all my friends I was gay and release all my videos on to a hardcore gay porn site that specialised in young looking guys. I think in total I gave them over thirty thousand pounds before I asked for help.”
The other nasty sting that has notably emerged in the last few years and is really designed to target to the fears and moral panic of young men is the ‘paedophile sting.’ Such is the high awareness and discussion of paedophilia in all corners of the internet, the slightest whiff of being associated sends everyone into paroxysms of panic – and understandably so. Again, scammers know this and use this, so will often announce to an older teenage lad, they are not the seventeen-year-old young woman they claimed to be, but actually a twelve, thirteen or fourteen year old girl. The merest mention of sex offender registers, prisons or paedophilia is grimly effective at getting vulnerable young people – and young men in particular – to press send on demanded sums.
Almost every teenager in the Western world has some kind of social media profile and it is extraordinary the depth of detail nefarious characters can use (and abuse) from what we so willingly give them. So, following a few of the following might help keep you – or your child – a little safer from sextortion.
1.) If something seems to be too good to be true, it’s probably too good to be true. Just like it is very unlikely a complete stranger is going to give you £50 million, the likelihood a gorgeous stranger (or someone you know slightly) wants to send you sexy pics and vids, with no strings attached, is, well, unlikely. Use your common sense.
2.) Knowing someone isn’t a guarantee their intentions are good. If someone asks for personal photos, videos or details, please think very, very carefully before sending.
3.) Remember the Mum/Grandma/Auntie rule – how would you feel about any of the above seeing what you’re about to send?
4.) Snapchat and WhatsApp are not safer than Insta, TikTok or any of the more public social medias – in fact, the private nature of them can make you more vulnerable.
5.) If you are chatting with someone and they never want to meet or talk on the phone, and only want to message – that’s a red flag.
6.) Equally though, be very careful about meeting anyone in person.
7.) Just because you have been chatting to someone for a long time, doesn’t guarantee they are OK or legit.
8.) Be very, very wary of sob stories (deaths in the family, illnesses, getting stranded) from the person you have been chatting with.
9.) It might be tempting, but don’t post markers of wealth on social media – it’s a magnet for people with bad intentions.
10.) Also, don’t post pictures of your house, school or places you regularly spend time – also a magnet for people with bad intentions.
11.) If you do find yourself the victim of a sextortion scam even if you think it’s a possibility, tell a trusted adult.
12.) People who get sextorted are victims and are deserving of help and sympathy – please remember that.